Relationships are tools that God uses to mature and make him more like him, and sometimes that means going through some difficulties and challenges with those we love. When you are in a courtship, you must remember that God has put to imperfect people together to help each other become more like Christ. Often times couples may go through misunderstandings, disagreements and even sometimes betrayal. It’s the reality of love. If betrayal occurs in a relationship does it mean it is not of God, or does it mean everything should be thrown away? I don’t believe. When it comes to dealing with betrayal I heard God say “Treat them like Judas”. Well, how did Jesus treat Judas? In John 6:64, we read, “For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him.”Jesus knew from the start that Judas was going to betray him but did he love him less? Did he mistreat him? Did he kick him out of his life and say, “I am done with you”? Did he urse him? Did he run away from him? The answer is NO! Jesus loved him! Loved him and poured out his life for him just like the other disciples, he taught him, fed him and even trusted him with the money.
Often time’s difficult circumstances are opportunities for us to love like Jesus. Our relationships are marriages are opportunities for us to learn how to live in the spirit and not the flesh. Many of us when we experience pain of any sort the immediate thing we want to do is make the pain go away, but I have learned in my life that even in my deepest pain God is filling me with a larger capacity to love.
**Before I proceed I want to say there are some boundaries, if a person is constantly abusing you or misusing you, you do not stay around for the sake of “loving like Jesus.” You can forgive someone and not have to be part of his or her life. You can love someone and not feel like you have to like them or like what they do.
When Christ calls us on this road of brokenness He is calling us to love like He loved. He is calling us to bless those that have cursed us, He is calling us to love those that have hurt us or taken advantages of us. The world says “give up on them,” give the friendship or the relationship up.”
When difficulties come we cannot react out of our emotions, will, or our intellect, which is our soul; but our decisions must be led by the spirit. In every situation we should ask, “what would the spirit of God have me do.” We must learn to react opposite of our souls, because often times the Spirit is telling us stay when we want to go, He is telling us to give back to those who have taken from us, He tells us to be patient with those that have drained us.
The Kingdom of God is an upside-down, inside out kingdom. When we are weak then we are really strong, in our deepest times of pain, we are strong in Him. Pain breeds authority, authority power. We can walk in signs and wonders because we have become weak. Power is not given to those that can manage pain well, but it is given to those that can surrender to Jesus and with open hands and purity of heart and cry, “Lord, have all of me”.
While studying for my doctorate we talked a lot about the psychology of pain, oftentimes as doctors or even just people in general we want to take the pain away from people when they are faced with difficult situations, but we see over and over in the scriptures that, Jesus takes our pain and makes beauty out of it, He takes our brokenness and fills it with treasure. Our ways are not His ways. God uses pain to birth wisdom.
“The greater level of pain the greater ability to love.” ~Jennifer Anniston.
So for those that around you, the ones your soul wants to yell at, or run from or do to them as they did to you, I believe the Lord is saying treat them like Judas, love them with all your heart. Supernatural love for the poor and the broken is not freely given; it must be earned and birthed through our pain. Every situation no matter how painful is meant to bring us closer to God. Trust him with your heart, not just your life. Here are 5 practical steps to take if you find yourself in this situation.
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- Pray and ask God to help heal your heart.
- Forgive the person who has hurt you.
- Do not rush through the healing process for yourself, allow yourself to feel the pain. Sit with God and allow him to teach you his heart in the process.
- Keep an open line of communication with the person who has hurt you, but do not constantly bring up the issue in order to make them feel bad.
- Set clear boundaries and plans of how both of you can overcome what has happened.
If you are the betrayer….
- Give the person time to process the pain.
- Apologize not with just words but your actions.
- Work with the person to create boundaries and rules that will help them feel safe with you again.
- Allow the person to ask questions, answer them without getting mad.
5. Sitting with God and ask him to help you heal, search out why you did what you did and ask him to help you not repeat the offense.
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