Grief is not one emotion; grief is a series of emotions and there are ways to help oneself and those around to cope in a way that can keep their head above water. 

Before I go into the strategies — I want to bring some clarity as to why we often feel heartache for the loss of people who we did not necessarily know personally. 

 In the case of icons, legends, and public figures we may feel the hit of their loss as if we knew them for a number of reasons: 

  1. They lived their lives in front of us and in doing so they invited us into it. In many ways, we experienced triumphs with them and even defeats. They became part of our story as we saw the rise and fall. 
  1. Humans are connected, so when there is a tragedy or sudden death it reminds us of our own humanity. No matter your race, background, economic standing, we all will face death. So when it is sudden and unexpected our humanity is thrust into a place where we must process who we are and why we are here. 
  1. Every nation has its heroes, whether they are warriors on a battlefield, athletes, artists, writers or thinkers of our time. Their ability to do something many others will never do helps us have aspirations for the impossible and supernatural. After all, we were all made for something bigger than ourselves. Their loss is a loss of an ideal or belief.

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 For those mourning the loss of a mother, father, husband, wife, child, friend or family member, here are some ways to cope:

  1. Surround yourself with family and friends. Process through the confusion, frustration, pain, and anger. Talk about the loss, the shock, and the pain you may be feeling with those you are close to.
  2. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Grief can be sudden; it can lay on you like a heavy blanket. It can be extremely unbearable. But — not feeling it will cause it to be buried which can be dangerous later on.
  3. Get counseling. If the loss or the news of a tragic loss is causing emotional discomfort, go to a professional. There are ways a professional can help you process and heal that friends and family cannot.
  4. Give yourself time. Some of us do not like to feel the pain — even in the case of the recent tragedies, so we disconnect ourselves. Allowing yourself to pray, process and think through it, makes space for you to heal in a more healthy way.
  5. Take a break. Take a break from the media. In the case of national tragedies, take breaks from planning or even people. It is okay to find healthy distractors. If it means watching a movie, going running, writing a poem, etc., find ways to distract your brain throughout the day.For those who have directly lost someone, this can be nearly impossible because the loss feels all-consuming. However, as time goes by and you get stronger, begin to find other things you can focus on during the day.
  6. Yell, scream and ask God where He is. Whatever you do, do not stop talking to Him. He is not afraid or offended by your emotions or pain. He is close to the brokenhearted. He longs to love you and sit with you. He hurts because of your heart. He may not be able to take away the pain, but He can make something beautiful out of it over time.
  7. Friends and family — learn just to sit with those in pain. Do not offer advice or counsel. Sometimes the best counsel is your presence.

~Dr. Faith