Culture, as defined by the dictionary, is the beliefs, customs, behaviors, traditions and arts of a particular society, group, place, or time. My intention in this article is to discuss some things to be aware of when you date or marry someone from a different society, race or group. A person’s culture begins in their immediate family, and is then enforced by society and shaped by their environment. Even if you and your significant other are from the same society, you will experience differences.
However, when you come from different ethnic backgrounds there are several things that you may want to keep in mind:
- Your idea of love and expectations in marriage will be different based on the culture- take time to learn your spouse’s expectations and experiences about love, marriage and family so you guys can be on the same page. Expressions and expectations will vary depending on the culture.
- Culture impacts how and when you communicate- Take the time to learn certain phrases, meanings and how communication in marriage and family flows in your spouse’s culture. One culture maybe quite, but that does not mean they are timid. Another can be loud, but it does not mean they are angry. Learn how your future spouse views communication. Some may talk through things while others may not. It is important to learn this so that you guys do not spend time fighting over things you can easily work out.
- Learn the traditions and celebrations that are important- Different cultures put more emphasis on certain things than others; meet in the middle and choose which ones you will celebrate. I think one thing I learned from my marriage is being someone who strongly relates to the American culture, although I’m an African, I tend to celebrate everything with gifts. Where as my husband’s culture, mainly African, tends to primarily celebrate weddings, births, and deaths. My husband had to learn how to adjust to the many wonderful celebrations we Americans have.
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- Discuss the role of extended family involvement in the marriage- Certain cultures view extended family as the nuclear family; they expect couples to move in parents or send money back home at certain times in their marriage. Discuss this with your spouse and set a clear plan on how you will deal with extended family.
- Roles in marriage may vary depending on the culture each person is from- Each society has differing ideas about marriage and about the role of each spouse. Take time to get to know your future spouse’s understanding of marriage and their expectation of you as their spouse.
- Remember certain traditional roles may not be biblical– With the push of family it can be hard to put down your feet about certain things you and your spouse will continue in your marriage. While some things may be cultural, they may not align with your biblical values. Make sure that as a married couple you guys create a culture based on your beliefs, and not just your traditions.
- You have to create a culture of heaven in your marriage- While our cultures, traditions and experiences make up our human experience, it is really important that our goal in our marriage, whether from the same culture or different cultures, is to emulate heaven in our marriage. When we understand the culture of heaven, it will be easier to learn how to create that same culutre in our homes.
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