Women possess the amazing verbal gift and ability to build with their words. This is particularly important and true in their marital and family relationships. This gift enables them to speak life in such a way that elevates and encourages their husband, making him better and in turn, make their marriage and family better.
In the last several weeks, I have had several sessions with women who have done or said certain things that have unfortunately made their relationship worse.
As women, it’s important that we understand, acknowledge, and recognize the power of our words. Here are five do’s & don’ts that will help you better understand how to properly use the power of both your words and your actions:
1. Never speak about him to your friends and family in a disparaging way
Doing this makes him lose confidence in himself and in you as a confidant, and will also lower his self-esteem. Instead of tearing him down, use your words to build him up. If you truly need someone to intervene in certain issues, pick a few unbiased people that both of you agree on that you can talk to when you are having tough times. After all, most men long for their wives’ approval; it is all that matters to them. Respect the boundaries you set and only talk to those who you have both deemed safe.
2. Never yell at him, curse, or beat him
As someone who is called to honor their spouse, when you excessively yell, curse or even hit, you both demean him and emasculate him. Violence is never acceptable; if you result to these tactics and are unable to control yourself, seek help from a professional counselor or pastor.
3. Never put her children before him
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I am a mom, so I know how deep a mother’s love is. However, we will only be able to successfully love and provide for our children if our marriage is healthy and our spouse is taken care of first. Things such as always buying things for the children and never your mate, always feeding them first and not serving him, and taking your children’s side over your husbands, will eventually ware on the relationship and can cause a lot of problems, pain, and mistrust.
4. Never give him the leftovers of you
As women who tend to be involved in a lot of activities and are in the business of caring for people, do not allow yourself to become the wife that gives her all to the ministry, her children, her job and activities, and then when it comes to your husband, you are too tired to even have a good conversation, let alone partake in sex. Make time for him; give him your strength and your energy as much as you do for everyone and everything else. He should be your priority.
5. Never put the WORK of God before him
God should be first in our lives; however, walking with God and working for God are not the same thing. Often times men and women will sacrifice their whole family for the work of God, forgetting that our family is our first ministry. You have heard it said that you do not want to be a public success but a private failure.
Your family should be the most important people, and the ones you live most holy and upright before. If you have your priorities straight, God will make sure to help you learn how to serve Him with your whole heart, as well as your family.
Women, whether we like it or not our words and works are both powerful and impactful. We can either use them to defeat and destroy or build and encourage. Let these Do’s & Don’ts guide you in the pursuit of being a Proverbs 31 wife & woman who builds!
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